After we moved into our house and had children, I learned first-hand why Santa wasn’t happy about every day being Christmas. I planned big family holiday celebrations, with extensive menus and did 99% of the shopping, preparation, and cooking myself. Before family came, the house had to be perfectly cleaned and decorated, also by me. On top of all the food preparation, I shopped for and wrapped all the presents. I saw myself as a mini-Martha Stewart and was just as driven with perfection. It was exhausting.
As the years went on, I came to enjoy my Martha Stewart role less and less. And then, three years ago, I got cancer. The first holiday season, I was distracted by tests and difficult questions, and the next year, I was healing from two surgeries. Last year, I was finished with treatment, but spent what little energy I had left on a huge kitchen renovation which was completed just days before Christmas.
This year, I finally feel ready to stick a toe back into holiday celebrating. I’m going to take it slow, however, and be very conscious of not slipping back into old ways. To keep holiday stress at bay, I’m going to remember the following five tips:
1. Have realistic expectations: My Martha Stewart holiday plans were wildly unrealistic. As a new parent, hosting new grandparents, I felt an overwhelming responsibility to create Norman Rockwell holidays for my family. Since we don’t live in oil paintings, this was never going to actually happen. I’ve learned that the best way to control stress is to control expectations. If each day has a realistic to-do list, there will be success at the end of the day, rather than failure.
2. Slow down: I love watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade every year, but I always hear a starter pistol go off in my head as soon as I see Santa’s sleigh. It’s the official beginning of the race to Christmas Day and the pressure is immediately on. It doesn’t have to be this way. If you’re feeling stressed, close your eyes and watch your breath. When multi-tasking gets out of hand, stop and refocus on mindfulness. For me, I am going to stop and remember what the last three years were like, and I’m going to be grateful for where I am now and how far I have come.
3. Enjoy some me time: Don’t become so involved with holiday preparations that you forget to take care of yourself. Falling into bed exhausted each night is not rest. Rejuvenate by reading a book, enjoying a cup of tea, getting a spa treatment or simply watching a funny television show in the middle of the day. Running yourself ragged completely diminishes the joy of the holidays and turns celebration into hard labor.
4. Make time for spiritual connection: For the past several years, we travel to my husband’s church in Brooklyn during Christmas season. We don’t attend mass, but prefer to be there when the church is mostly empty and peaceful and quiet. I’ve had some amazing moments of silent reflection in that church and it has come to be one of my most treasured Christmas traditions.
5. Have fun: Isn’t family fun and togetherness what the holidays are all about? Have a family pajama night in front of the fireplace. Focus on fun and relaxation, rather than on creating the perfect table or moment, and you will see your holiday stress melt away.
With Thanksgiving just three days away, it’s time to take a moment to decide how we want our holidays to go. Let’s make a pact to really enjoy this holiday season by slowing down, focusing on fun and scheduling some me time. If you have other suggestions to reduce holiday stress, please take a moment to let me know what they are.
Survival > Existence,