I took a deep breath and listened to the old bray of my heart. I am. I am. I am. Sylvia Plath
I’m still a Girl Scout in that I always have a project (or two or three or ten) going. Add in to-do lists (actual and mental) and it can get exhausting.
This year, my big project was birthing my books, You Can Thrive After Treatment and How to Build an Amazing Life After Treatment. Like any first-time Mom, I jumped in with no idea what I was doing. Self-publish eBooks and paperbacks on Amazon? Sure, why not? I figured I would figure it out and approached gingerly. I eventually made it happen, but it sure took a lot of time.
Just yesterday, a day after the paperbacks launched and the six month process was finally complete, a thought quietly struck me.
Stop. Look at what you’ve accomplished. Don’t just push on to something else. Take a moment to appreciate. And, you dumb bunny, take a moment to rest.
Yes, I really do talk to myself in the third person. And, yes, I really do insult myself when I feel the need.
The voice in my head forced me to remember the lesson of last week’s sudden, untimely death: “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
Right now, instead of ramping up for the next project, I need to rest. Especially now, during the holiday season, subtracting makes much more sense than mindlessly adding to my list of things I convince myself have to be done.
Which brings me to my “problem.” My husband keeps asking me what I want for Christmas and I cannot give him an answer. What I want to say is completely reminiscent of what my mother used to say when the same question was asked of her: “Peace and quiet.”
Yes, Mom, I hear your voice in my head and I so get it now. I too want peace and quiet of mind. I want the disease of busy, to which I have lost a few friends, to cease and desist. I want to be still and ignore worrisome thoughts like so many clouds floating across the sky.
In our “Just do it” society, I want to just be.
As I watch my breath I want to know with each “I am” beat of my heart that I am enough, with no need for the “validation” that comes from busyness.
Really, all I want is a little break. I fully expect to lean back in come January, when I’m refreshed and ready to push forward on new challenges.
But January is later; now is now.
“Stop” the thought said; appreciate the now.
I am learning to listen.
Survival > Existence,