Gifts & Losses List

2015-03-04-18-15-29This is the list that represents the turning point in my cancer experience….

GIFT – My relationship with my husband.

When you’re been married for two decades, you know life and marriage are about getting through stuff.   Our relationship weathered this storm with amazing tenacity.  Because it wasn’t always easy, but the bond never broke and the love was always there.   There is no greater gift than to realize that you never have to doubt – it’s the surest thing in my life and that’s all that matters.

LOSS – But there are still moments of difficulty. 

It’s hard to be patient and understanding of someone else’s pain when you’re experiencing so much of your own.  It’ also extremely difficult to “do this” to him and my children.  I’m the wife and mother, the one who looks out for everyone else’s emotional needs – I don’t like being the one who needs all the support and nurturing.  I feel guilty for needing what I need.

GIFT – My relationship with my body.

I got a flat tummy and two “lifted” breasts, which look better in clothes than they did before the surgeries.

LOSS – Who said I wanted to pay this price?

I got a flat tummy and two “lifted” breasts, which, when I look in the mirror, look like I got run over by a truck.  Just because my clothes cover the scars, doesn’t mean I don’t see them every day of my life.

GIFT – Because of the incredible support I received at Overlook Hospital during my hospitalization, I want to give back.